I can't do this any longer..

I'm about to fall in pieces.. about to drop my fake smile, and SHOUT OUT TO THE WORLD: "I give up!!!" Y'all have no idea what I've been through, y'all have no idea what I've done to get so far in life. All you know is my name and where I come from. You don't know anything about my story of life. I am soooo fucking tired of being strong and holding back tears.. like that changes something! And the fact that people talk.. talk shit at me, about me, behind me.. all that just breaks me!

Ain't No Stressin' ♫

Rain is over.. well at least it seems like! Sun, my dear, please come out to lighten up my day!

Got a call from Mike last night.. happy, happy, happy :) Yup, just because he called.. he didn't say anything good or whatever.. but the fact he thought of me and took his time to call.. that's something!!! <3 Anyways..... it was a great night over all..

I can't decide whether stay home and be lazy or go out with my sister for some shopping.. Shopping sounds good, but with no money!? Nah.. I guess I'ma just stay home, be my lazy self.. Sad Lol I got no life.. Still sleepy, by the way. Haven't gotten a good sleep since forever.. Last night came home around 3am and my dear mother woke me up at 9am.. cranky!!! And I know she does it on purpose, just to make me feel bad about my late night walks.. as stupid as it sounds! Oh well.. I guess it's time to go.. to lay down on couch, turn the TV on and enjoy my freakin' boring life!!! Bye

Every summer has its story..

..and I know I will have my summer '11 story. I have no clue how will it end, but I sure do know it has started out pretty well. It's not that ordinary story: we met, we talked, we liked... this one is kind of weird but still sweet and fluffy Lol Ok, enough about that.. 'cause story can't be told before it's written.. :)

Today finally got some good workout in. Went to the gym and took some shots, then weight room.. it feels good now. I like that feeling of "well done" :) I don't think I will have time for workout tomorrow.. but well, at least I did something today, right!? Lol Ahhh lazy me.. Now it's time for daily night walk with my dear friend. Later..

At least I can admit it

And..once again I must say I HATE LIES!!! It's not like I don't like 'em but I truly hate when I get lied to. I'd rather be sad or mad at the whole world because of truth than be satisfied by lying.

I remember how I used to lie to everybody about everything. I lied to my parents, I lied to my friends, I lied to coaches, teachers.. to make myself a better person than I was. But what's the freakin' point!? Where did it lead me? Nowhere.. I just got involved in more and more lies. And then I caught myself at the point where I was living a double life. That life was the one I made up with my lies. Reaching this point, I stopped and took a minute to think over what have I done to myself and people around me, what kind of lying monster I had become. Then I understood, the more you lie the more you are going to regret it at the end.. and I had to make a quick decision before I got the ending I didn't want. I left my past to be only my past, never bringing it up again. I promised myself to never lie again. And I'm not talking about little lies like "Oh, I forgot to do my homework!" or "No, I didn't get your call!" and stuff like that.. those are tiny ones (sounds silly :D).. but I'm talking about LIES like "My cousin died, she got a cancer." or "My aunt couldn't come, she is seriously sick." <--- these are lies I made up.. can you believe??? And if you were asking me why? what's the point? I could not answer. Maybe to get more attention, maybe to take away the blame putting it on others.. I don't know, I REALLY DON'T KNOW!!! And none of y'all will ever understand how ashamed I feel, how horrible I feel about myself for doing it.

But I'm over it..as I said, I left it to be my past. Since that time I bite my tongue not to lie but tell the truth, and it does not matter how hard it is..'cause LIES WON'T LEAD YOU ANYWHERE!!! Lies hurt, lies break, lies tear you apart..

Why am I telling this.. it's because I get lied to more and more often. The saddest part is that I know the truth listening to lies. And I feel bad for the person staying next to me, 'cause it means you are a coward just the same one I was once.. sad.. really sad!!! I am not the person to judge anyone, I just want you all to be the judges for yourself. Take a look from aside.. Are you satisfied by life you're living!?

Friend.. the best one!!!

Today is the day when everything I do reminds me of him, of Mike..my best friend. Songs I listen to, things I do, thoughts I think, movies I watch.. e-e-e-every thing just brings up memories, true, some of them are bittersweet..but somehow that sweet part takes over the bitter part. He has stubbed me, broken me, sworn me and in every other way torn me down..but I have forgiven him each and every wrong step he has made, because I love him, I love him with all my heart..he put me back in life when I was ready to give up, give up on everything. I can't even explain how much he means to me. That kind of friend is hard, I may say almost impossible to find. Things he does, words he chooses, way he sees the world.. all that is something I can only watch and learn from.. If someone asked me to give my life for him, I would..no hesitation..I WOULD !!!

You're...
My Friend,
my companion,
through good times and bad
my friend, my buddy,
through happy and sad,
beside me you stand,
beside me you walk,
you're there to listen,
you're there to talk,
with happiness, with smiles,
with pain and tears,
I know you'll be there,
throughout the years!